kyungsoo was fast asleep, with his face pressed against the pillow. he made whining noises every time he inhaled— and snuffling noises, every time he exhaled. jongin unwrapped his arms from around kyungsoo’s waist. he slowly pushed himself up to a sitting position, to avoid waking kyungsoo. jongin rolled kyungsoo over to his side, so he wouldn’t suffocate on the pillow. 

—-

kyungsoo was having a nightmare: in his dream, kyungsoo couldn’t move. all he could see was jongin’s back getting smaller and smaller. jongin was walking away. jongin never looked back. 

jongin was smaller than his hand, his middle finger, his index finger, his pink his thumb—

jongin was gone

—-

kyungsoo’s pillow was wet, and tears clung to his eyelashes. jongin pushed the hair out of kyungsoo’s face, and wiped the wetness from kyungsoo’s cheeks. he kissed kyungsoo’s forehead twice, lightly.

“i’m sorry kyungsoo”

jongin crawled out from under the covers, sitting on the edge of the bed as he pulled on his jeans. he glanced at kyungsoo one last time, before closing the bedroom door softly. he felt guilt building up in the pit of his stomach, threatening to erupt from his throat, making him want to throw up— puke, because he was the worst kind of lover there could possibly be; the kind that whispered promises dotted with kisses, but never kept them. the kind that tried to love, but didn’t know how to love. the kind that made people feel safe, before wreaking havoc in their lives. jongin shut the front door, and locked it.

—-

jongin met up with sehun in a hotel on the other side of town. pre-determined, in their usual room 1208. jongin slipped out of his jeans, and crawled under the covers to hug sehun from behind. jongin bowed his head, pressing it against sehun’s neck, whispering chants of “sorry, sorry, sorry”

sehun turned around and pressed a kiss on jongin’s nose, “don’t be sorry. you weren’t in love, anyways”

jongin nodded, and pressed his nose against the side of sehun’s neck

“i love you”

—-

kyungsoo woke up at three a.m, eyes puffy and bloodshot.


alone

—-





this is the precursor of you don’t know (but you do)